Today I have Carrie Harris here on the blog. She's the author of Bad Taste in Boys and Bad Hair Day. Bad Hair Day is to be released November, 2012. She's here to tell you why the zombie apocalypse might not be such a terrible thing. So I now leave you in her very capable hands, *HI CARRIE*!!
Bring Out Your Dead! – 5 Benefits of the Zombie Apocalypse
People keep talking about the zombie apocalypse like it’s a bad thing. I think we’re looking at this all wrong. Instead of focusing on the negatives, let’s look at the positives. Let’s be glass-half-full people. Because an army of walking corpses can’t be ALL bad, right? So, without further ado, I present you with five benefits of the zombie apocalypse.
- I think we all know THAT GUY. He’s the one who does faux ninja moves in public, and he has a black belt that he got via correspondence course, and major weapons expertise gleaned from Wikipedia. I don’t know about you, but I feel kind of bad for THAT GUY. People laugh at him. They don’t take his mad combat skills seriously. In the post-zombie wasteland, THAT GUY would be an asset. He could save the day—possibly by thinking that he really is a black belt, trying to fight off the zombies by hand, and getting eaten, but the day is still saved, right?
- During the zombie apocalypse, you’ll have the opportunity to test out all those theories that you talk about with your friends (or maybe that’s just me). Like, could you really kill a zombie with a lawn flamingo? (I vote YES.) If you climbed up on the roof and dropped a toilet on the head of a zombie, would it die? (I vote YES AGAIN.) Do zombies look sexy in sparkle makeup? (I vote BAHAHAHAHAHA.) These are things we need to know, and the only way we’ll find out is if the dead rise from their graves.
- The zombie apocalypse gives you a handy excuse to avoid the things you don’t want to do. Don’t like to wash dishes? “Sorry, honey! I couldn't get to the dishwasher. Zombie attack.” Running out of ways to get off the phone with that annoying person who just keeps on TALKING? “Sorry! Gotta run! Zombies at the door!” It’s hard to argue with the zombie excuse. Frankly, I think I might try it and see what happens.
- Zombies offer lots of romance opportunities for people who have problems relating to the opposite sex. Don’t know what to say to that cute person at the coffee shop? Wait until they get zombified, and then they won’t care what you’ve got to say! They’ll want you anyway, and sure, you’ll need to carry a cattle prod at all times, but that’s okay. Or if you’re not comfortable with the cattle prod, I suggest a lawn flamingo or that guy from number 1.
- Two words: Zombie. Bowling.
Frankly, after reading this list, I’m kind of looking forward to the zombocalypse. I also think I might need therapy.
Thank you Carrie for stopping by with that awesome list! I'm sure we are all looking forward to the zombie apocalypse. I know I'm looking forward to being able to use "zombies at the door" as an excuse to get off the phone ;)